cupcakes for the ladeez

Now, with my reputation I am used to people asking me for advice about getting girls into bed. Oh yeah, that happens all the time. So I was not surprised to read Shannon's comment requesting a cupcake recipe. I think probably she's gonna do something really inadvisable with my advice but that my friends, is beyond my control. However let it be said that I would prefer in general that you all used my recipes for good and not for evil (or self-destructive angst creation).

So... Cupcakes.

Yes they are all trendy again but like stripy tops that doesn't mean they ain't good. And when the hipsters move on to the next hot thang cupcakes will still be sweet and small, conveniently portable and a hit with all those who like a bit of childhood nostalgia.

Now, as I said in the comments, I mostly like to just use a good cake recipe and stick it in cupcake shape. This recipe is the exception - I don't think a batter this plain would work in cake form but in a cupcake it's all you need. In fact, it's all about those cute little paper cases, the icing and silver balls.

This recipe comes from my sister Marion. She brought some along to a family night once when we were watching But I'm a Cheerleader. You know the bit where they discuss what their "root" is? And they're all talking about gender stuff and why they ended up queer? Marion turns to me and asks "what's your root?" We discuss the family myth that everyone wanted me to be a boy. Then Marion says "I always knew I was a girl" and ta-da..... pulls out a tupperware container full of these cupcakes all iced in bright pink. Yes, a perfect family moment - they were almost the exact kitsch pink colour as the uniforms the girls have to wear in the movie.

Anyway, I never let my gender identity get in the way of baking. But maybe you've felt constrained by the need to seem tough all the time? To wield the power tools not the appliances? Well this recipe is so easy you can start breaking outta that gender binary right now. If you wanna get the girl get your toughest apron out and get in the kitchen.

ain't afraid to bake cupcakes

• 1 1/2 cups self raising flour
• 1/3 cup castor sugar
• 1/3 cup brown sugar
• 125g soft butter chopped into bits
• 3 eggs
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 tsp vanilla
  

for the icing:

• 1 cup thick double cream
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• pink food colouring

Light the damn oven and turn it to 180C. Get some tough little patty cases with really butch flowers or something and put them on a tray.

Beat all the ingredients up like you would some chick who you saw looking at your lady. Or maybe use an electric beater actually and beat them for 4 minutes on a medium speed cos violence is never cool.

Spoon the mix into the cases, they should be 3/4 full. Cook those fuckers for 20-25 minutes until they rise up to tell you that you rule, and they should be golden.

Let them chill out until they are as cool as you.

Mix the cream with the sugar and pink icing. Spread on the cupcakes and top with some silver balls.

Now go give some to your lady with some cheesy line like “cos you’ll always be my cupcake.” That should make up for being a stupid dumbass.